Ladies and gentlemen, Mary, Johnny, Kathleen and I would like to bid you all a
very warm welcome or now I hope my Irish pronunciation is OK "Cead Mile Failte"
or "One Hundred thousand welcomes".
And also a sincere thank you for travelling so far to join with us in celebrating
Lorraine and Trevor's wedding here in Aberdeen.
You have travelled from Ireland of course, England, Canada, the United States,
Australia as well as Whitburn and the rest of Scotland! Thank you all.
Now I'm only going to make a short speech on account of my throat. There's nothing
wrong with it really, but Kathleen says she'll cut it if I go for on too long!
Seriously though, Kathleen and I are very proud of our beautiful and talented
daughter. I think she looks particularly lovely today. Doesn't she wash up well!
She has certainly brightened up our lives over the years---because she never
switched any lights off!
I was present at Lorraine's birth- a very modern Dad then, and as soon as she was
born, the midwife held her up, looked at me and said she looks just like her
Father. (Pause) Unfortunately, she was holding Lorraine upside down at the
time and from where I was standing all I could see was a wee wrinkly bare
bum.----a good likeness indeed-------------I'm sure this must have something to do
with one of Lorraine's favourite expressions over the years -------" You're an
By the age of Two, Lorraine had made her first Diagnosis. Now this is a true
She caught sight of me one morning and I was only wearing my Y fronts. She studied
me for a moment before pointing to a prominent part of the Y fronts and enquired
" Done a jobby Daddy?" Lorraine has known for many years that I would
tell this story on her wedding day but Trevor said a few weeks ago that the word
"jobby" isn't really used in Ireland so there might be a language problem with
this story. So if anyone isn't sure ----- it means---- a NUMBER 2!! (What? "a
number 2?" ----It's a ssshhhh........ you know what.)
I'd like to take a moment here to welcome Trevor into our family. It's quite a few
years now that Trevor has been coming to our house. He fits in so well that we
feel we've gained another son. Now not many people know this but Trevor is a bit
of an exorcist. Oh yes. Every time he comes to our house the spirits just
But Trevor is a very generous lad really. He always leaves his magazines for me to
read. I think they are medical magazines, part of his job - Maxim, Loaded, FHM,
-----and Reader's Wives --- the photos are in the post as we speak I believe.
I have certainly found them very informative. Thank you Trevor.
But seriously though, Trevor is a lovely lad and its fairly obvious to all how much he and Lorraine love each other.
I can remember once, early in their relationship, when they were staying at our house. (Pause look across) Gosh they both look petrified ---- wondering what story I'm going to tell-----(Don’t worry it's not that story.------)
Anyway, picture the scene --- it was a beautiful day, just like today, and Lorraine was going to impress Trevor by cooking him a special meal, to be eaten outside.
Anyway Lorraine served up the meal, but before Trevor could sit down, the next door neighbour's cat, had jumped up and eaten Trevor's meal.------Well----- Lorraine was devastated, as you can imagine---- she was really upset, but Trevor, such a gentleman, told Lorraine not to worry --------- he would personally buy the neighbours another cat!!
It's a bit unfair that story because, as I'm sure you all know, Lorraine, like Trevor, is a superb cook----- more than I can say about her driving. To let you all understand, Lorraine learned to drive in our car and the clutch was never the same again.
(Shake head) I had to say something so I plucked up courage and mentioned this to her. "Don't look at me Dad" she said " I never use the clutch"
Now being serious for a moment, Lorraine and Trevor you make a lovely couple and you are a perfect match for each other. I just know you are going to have a long and happy life together.
Also I'd like to pay tribute to both of you for all the hard work and organising you have put into today's wedding. Both sets of parents have been hundreds of miles away and you have organised all this yourselves. We are very proud of you.
Also a special thankyou to Father Jim Smith for the lovely service today at King's College Chapel. And also your Boss for giving us such a beautiful day.
Finally Lorraine and Trevor, may your marriage be blessed with lots of Love, Laughter, Joy and Happiness and may all your Pain ---- be Champagne!
Ladies and Gentlemen please raise your glasses to Lorraine and Trevor,
our Bride and Groom.