Well I suppose you are all wondering what I am doing standing up when you are all desperate to get some food inside you. Well those of you that know me well will know that there is little chance of me keeping my mouth shut and letting Richard get the last word in. However I am sorry to add another speech to the list but I will try to keep this as short as possible. So here goes.
I would like to thank both M and M for agreeing, rather excitedly, to be bridesmaids. I know you have both had a lot of stuff going on for yourselves over the last few months but thank you both for helping me when I needed you and for routing around under my dress this morning to fasten my shoes. Beyond the call of duty really.
I would like to thank G for agreeing to be R’s best man, I know it must have been daunting trying to find something from his past that wouldn’t upset too many people but you have surpassed yourself. Thank you.
I would like to thank R’s parents, C and P. Thank you for raising your son so well. I understand that warranty on him has now expired and I can no longer get a refund for poor performance. I would like to thank P especially for agreeing to the reading during the ceremony. I have special gifts for you both if you would like to stand up.
I would like to thank my mum for helping to plan this whole shebang and for trawling through Lord knows how many dress shops to find possibly the biggest dress in the world ever. Well second biggest, next to Jordan’s anyway. I have a gift for you as well if you would like to stand up.
My dad, thank you for always being there keeping me sane when things started to go wrong. Thank you for your kind words, your input into today and for being patient with us – I know men don’t really care about what colours flowers are and whether ‘thingy’ sits next to’ widget’ but you have feigned interest admirably and endured more than your fair share of wedding talk. For this I would like to thank you with this special gift.
Finally, R, what can I say about my new ball and chain. I would like to thank you for the many things you said earlier. Lampshade being one of them! R and I have been together now for nearly 7 years and he means a lot to me. He is good company, funny and affectionate (especially when he wants something) and is a good friend as well as a partner. Thank you for keeping me out of a loony asylum over the past few weeks, I promise to return to my normal self and try to stop my exorcist like behaviour as quickly as possible.
Finally I would just like each and everyone of you for being with us today. A wedding can happen anywhere and at any time but it can only be a true celebration when all the people you love are there to share it with you. So one last toast if you please – To family and friends.