When I was speaking to the best man about speeches, he remarked that it’s only every 4 or 5 weddings that you hear a really good speech.
I was going to say that unfortunately this is only wedding number 3, but so far the speeches have been pretty good. So what you should be asking is – what are the odds of another?
Actually I had a great speech prepared, but now that I am married my wife tells me what to say, so I’ll have to give this speech instead.
Today we’ve departed from a few traditions, including the order of the speeches, and we agreed that I would make the final speech. So today might also be the final occasion on which I have the last word.
I would like to start by thanking everyone for coming. You are the people who are most important to us and we thank you for helping make this day special for us. In particular I would like to thank those who have travelled a long way to be here – some from within the state, others from interstate and overseas.
Now some people thought that we had timed our wedding so as not to clash with major sporting events. However this week was the only week between April and Christmas when all our family was in the country at the same time. So we thank them for not travelling.
Special mention should also be made of the many expectant mothers here today, and we thank you for holding on. One of the traditions that we dispensed with was a wedding cake. I did a bit of research on this matter and found that not only was it traditional to actually throw the cake at the bride, but also that it was a fertility ritual. That is something that we don’t seem to need more of.
Unfortunately some people could not make it today. In particular my grandfather who turned 91 this month, and Jo’s stepfather Gerry who passed away last year. Wherever he is now, I’m sure that he is proud to see the wedding of “Beans” and “Song For”.
Now this wedding would not have been possible without the help of a number of people.
First to Jo who worked very hard, persevered when it looked like we wouldn’t get everything done, and only talked of eloping a few times.
Next I’d like to thank the people who did absolutely nothing. These are the people who were going to execute the wet weather plan. We have had a great day weather-wise and we are glad that your help was not needed.
Mum – thank you for the reading.
Thanks to Alan, who had the important job of cellaring the wine, delivery, and most importantly for picking up any unused bottles tomorrow. I’m sure that Alan will appreciate your help in making his job easier.
Finally a big thank you for our financial supporters – Dad and Sue, my father in law Hans, and Mum and Darrell. Thank you very much.
To Jo, thank you for agreeing to marry me. I love you very much and look forward to the rest of our lives together. I feel very lucky. Jo is beautiful, smart, kind, caring, and I would go on except that I can’t read her writing.
To Mum and Dad, thank you for all your love and support and for giving me a great start in life. I believe that I’m also meant to thank you for putting up with me in my childhood and teenage years but they are so long ago that I can’t recall being a problem at all.
Of course I haven’t just gained a wife today, but also a family. Thank you to all of them for making me feel so welcome. Most of all, thank you for bringing Jo up to be the woman that I have married.
David, thank you for being the best man and for being a great friend.
Many people don’t know that David suffers from a disability, which causes him to invent fanciful stories. He really does believe these stories to be true and I thank you for humouring him during his speech.
What I did not know was that this disability is also contagious and seems to have spread to the master of ceremonies as well.
There were 2 criteria that I looked for in a best man. Firstly reliability.
A great example of this occurred two weeks ago when David phoned me to ask if I was going to use my ticket to the football last Saturday.
“Yes, why not”, I asked.
“It’s the day after your wedding”, said David
“No David it’s the week before the wedding……You might have know that if you’d RSVP’d”
As for the second quality, David is a single man (Now calm yourselves ladies). The fear of a return speech at his future wedding might then have caused him to exercise restraint, although this doesn’t seem to be the case.
Colette, you have been a great friend to Jo for many years and we thank you for being her bridesmaid.
Ian, thank you for being our master of ceremonies. You have been a great friend too, but more importantly you introduced me to….the game of golf. And quite possibly to Joanne as well. Thanks for playing with me all those times that I was really bad.
Ladies and Gentlemen could you raise your glasses. I would like to propose a toast to the bridesmaid, best man, and master of ceremonies.